Every few years, social media circulates the latest numbers on how expensive it is to raise kids in America. I always laugh, because it’s an overwhelmingly large figure (and with five kids, I’m either going to laugh or cry).

Current estimates from a report by the US Department of Agriculture (USDA) run from $12,000 to $14,000 per kid per year, adding up to around $305,000 total (inflation-adjusted) for one child to reach their 18th birthday. With a buy-in commitment of over a quarter-million dollars, one might ask, “Why have kids at all?”

Because it's through family that humans learn "what it means to love and to be loved, and thus what it actually means to be a person," as St. John Paul II encourages in Centesimus Annus (39).
Because the family is "the foundation of society" (Gaudium et Spes 52).
And because, as St. Louis Martin wrote to his wife, St. Zélie, family can bring us closer to God: “Soon we’ll have the intimate happiness of the family, and it’s this beauty that brings us closer to him.”

For our family - two adults and five kids living in the suburban South at the lowest income bracket listed - the USDA's online calculator estimates lower than average costs: just over $7,000 per kid, or $36,000 a year for our family. In reality, our child-related costs are much lower.

Sometimes we receive accolades for our large-family-low-budget lifestyle: "You guys really have your priorities in order!" And yes, we sacrifice, work hard (often several jobs at once), and save whenever we can. But the truth is, we have received many advantages over the years that make our thrifty lifestyle possible; advantages that aren't options for many other American families.

[Y]es, we sacrifice, work hard (often several jobs at once), and save whenever we can. But the truth is, we have received many advantages over the years that make our thrifty lifestyle possible

Rather than denounce government estimates as grossly inflated or declare our large family's frugality as self-made virtue, I'd like to share the privileges we have experienced over the years that make our lifestyle possible. Whether we call it privilege, blessings, or random unearned gifts from family or friends, these opportunities (along with a shipload of hard work) have been necessary to make the real cost of raising our kids possible.

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[Y]es, we sacrifice, work hard (often several jobs at once), and save whenever we can. But the truth is, we have received many advantages over the years that make our thrifty lifestyle possible

Rather than denounce government estimates as grossly inflated or declare our large family's frugality as self-made virtue, I'd like to share the privileges we have experienced over the years that make our lifestyle possible. Whether we call it privilege, blessings, or random unearned gifts from family or friends, these opportunities (along with a shipload of hard work) have been necessary to make the real cost of raising our kids possible.

1. We don't have student loans.

My husband and I both earned college degrees with a combination of scholarships, grants, family support, and loans before the cost of tuition inflated unconscionably (quintupling over the past three decades), which allowed us to pay off all student loans prior to having kids.

Our nation's current student loan crisis (subprime loans at high interest rates that borrowers need substantial intervention to repay) is reminiscent of the housing bubble that cratered our economy in 2008. I don't have a solution, but it's a burden that greatly affects the ability of families to raise children in America, both paying off the parents' debt and saving for the children's future education.

2. We can earn a livable wage on one income.

My husband and I were able to find jobs that paid a livable wage after college. Without the advantage of a degree or specific trade, it's nearly impossible to find a job that can support a family. This wasn't always the case, nor should it be today.

Many entry-level positions that require a college degree today (e.g. insurance clerks, executive assistants) didn't require a degree 10 years ago. Even with a degree, wages for recent college graduates in professional fields are growing more slowly than wages for all college graduates combined.

3. We don't have childcare costs.

Since my husband and I are both capable of holding livable-wage jobs (thanks to higher education) and since we can live on one income (thanks to no student debt payments), one of us can stay home with our kids, which negates childcare costs. (As an aside, my husband and I have both spent time as the stay-at-home parent and we agree that whoever stays home has the harder job between us.) A complicating factor is that, even with my degree and years of experience before having kids, I don't have the earning power to negate the cost of childcare for our kids. Even if I wanted to keep my skills current and my resume up-to-date for when I reenter the workforce, given the cost of childcare for this many kids, I can't afford to work.

The Department of Health and Human Services’ threshold for affordable childcare is 10% of family income; however, childcare costs often average 30% to 40%, and even up to 90%, of median income in America. Incidentally, the United States government is a model employer that uses public funds and income-based subsidies to alleviate childcare costs for their employees. The Department of Defense runs a signature nationwide childcare program to make family life more affordable for both active duty and civilian employees.

4. We've never had childcare costs, even while both of us worked.

When we only had two kids, my husband and I both worked. I was in administration and he was in media, so we could work opposite shifts and therefore cover a significant amount of childcare (though this season wasn't great for our family life). The rest of our childcare needs were covered by family - for free.

Those three years of being a dual-income family without the cost of childcare allowed us to stash a significant amount of money into savings, which allowed us to buy a house. Home-ownership at our income level would not have been possible without free childcare.

5. Our housing costs are stable.

The advantage we received from free childcare meant we had the savings for a significant down payment on a house. The advantage we received from low-cost college educations meant we had a minimum debt-to-income ratio, which qualified us for a low-interest mortgage.

However, as housing prices increase while wages stagnate or decline for the bottom half of income distribution in America, and as HGTV-inspired flippers create unnecessary inflation in tight markets, entry-level home-ownership is becoming a pipe dream for many American families. Add the higher debt-to-income ratios caused by student loans, and many families can't even qualify for a mortgage. We were shocked to discover that once we qualified for a good mortgage, entry-level home-ownership cost us less per month than the rent for our two-bedroom apartment. Many American families are hard hit by the reality that a low-wage employee cannot afford a two-bedroom apartment anywhere in the US. For us, our stable housing costs, made possible by home-ownership, are essential to keeping our large-family-low-income lifestyle sustainable.

6. We've only had one car loan in the past 15 years.

My parents gave me a car when I graduated college. A kind woman from church practically gave my husband a car (only costing $500 and a six-hour road trip to pick it up). My parents gave us a minivan before our twins were born. These weren't new or luxury vehicles, but they allowed us to direct our small transportation budget toward vehicle maintenance and repairs instead of car loans. Given our country's lack of public transportation outside major cities, it's necessary for most suburban families to own at least one car, and the annual cost to own and maintain a family-size vehicle is steep.

I don't have many solutions for making transportation more accessible and affordable for American families. Some suggestions include investing more in public infrastructure rather than outsourcing transportation solutions to private toll companies with predatorycollectionpractices, or at the very least, regulating toll companies. It's a legitimate debate whether increased taxes for infrastructure improvements or increased tolls for private maintenance affect families' budgets more adversely.

7. Our food costs are stable.

Being a stay-at-home parent allows me plenty of time to meal plan and shop carefully. The USDA estimates $2.90 per person per day for food, but our family's grocery budget (including eating out) is $1.90 per person per day. This wasn't possible when we both worked, due to the time necessary to plan and prepare healthy, low-budget food.

We were surprised by twin babies in 2014, causing unforeseen health issues and weeks of hospital bed rest, and it forced me to leave my job several months earlier than planned. With no paid family leave, no short-term disability, and our savings recently invested as the down payment in a new home, we were incredibly grateful for the Women, Infants, and Children (WIC) government program that provided high-calorie formula for our new babies. (We hoped to breastfeed, but ongoing health issues for both me and the preemie twins prevented it.) For many families of young children in similar situations, WIC is an important lifeline.

8. We've always had affordable healthcare.

Whether through generous employer-sponsored health insurance, healthcare sharing ministries, or government Medicaid/CHIP programs, we've been able to afford healthcare for our family. We carry some debt for healthcare needs that were higher than estimated, but it's nothing compared to what many families experience.

It's a disheartening reality that, when parents-to-be run estimates on that fancy USDA calculator for how much it costs to raise a child in America, they need to start anywhere from negative $3,000 to negative $800,000+ before they can even change the first diaper. There is absolutely no way to know how much childbirth will cost until after the kid arrives. It doesn't help that the United States is the most expensive nation in the world in which to have a baby.

Countless employers, including most school districts in my state, don't offer affordable health insurance plans, especially for families. The insurance exchange created through the Affordable Care Act (ACA) helps with premium subsidies for families who qualify, but the coverage is often sub-par with actual healthcare remaining unaffordable. Families are left with few options: intentionally earn less (to qualify for higher ACA subsidies), purchase short-term plans and hope you don't need them, try a healthcare sharing ministry (if you don't have preexisting conditions), pray you'll be covered by charity care, join the 20% of Americans living in medical debt, or just delay care for yourselves or your children because like most Americans, you fear crippling medical bills more than serious illness.

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Keep reading part two of this reflection.