Read part one here.

So, Why Have Kids?

The truth is, kids are expensive. Even with hand-me-downs, shared bedrooms, public education, and economy cooking, there are burdensome costs for an average family that can’t be anticipated or crammed into the budget (namely childcare, housing, and healthcare).

But, isn't there an ethereal kind of happiness that comes with having kids, a life satisfaction that simply can't be nickled and dimed away by counting the cost? Yes! It would be misleading if I didn’t share the fulfillment and joy that I've experienced as a mother, and differently with each new life.

St. John Paul II exhorts families to overcome "excessive prosperity and the consumer mentality" that cause children to be "perceived not as a blessing, but as a danger from which to defend oneself" (Familiaris Consortium 6).

My goal in sharing the specific advantages that our family has experienced, which allow us to enjoy a large-family-low-income lifestyle in America, is to demonstrate that it isn't necessarily "excessive prosperity" or a "consumer mentality" that prevent people from having kids. There are real economic barriers to raising children in America, and these difficulties understandably affect people's decisions on family size.

[I]t isn't necessarily 'excessive prosperity' or a 'consumer mentality' that prevent people from having kids.

A peer-reviewed report by the Council of Contemporary Families, which studied life satisfaction between parents and non-parents in twenty-two Western nations, found the U.S. had the largest happiness differential between these two groups. Why would discontent register so high among parents in America? According to the study:

"The negative effects of parenthood on happiness were entirely explained by the presence or absence of social policies allowing parents to better combine paid work with family obligations. And this was true for both mothers and fathers. Countries with better family policy 'packages' had no happiness gap between parents and non-parents."

So, what would better family policies look like and how could they build a stronger culture for families in America?

Catholic Leadership in Family-Friendly Policies

Consider the Archdiocese of Chicago, which offers 12 weeks of paid family leave; or Marquette University, which provides on-site childcare for faculty, staff, and students; or Benedictine University, which offers tuition remittance and several other creative employment solutions that support both employees and their families.

Is it too much to expect an employer to provide not just for their employee, but also for their employee's family? St. John Paul II asserts that  "[a] workman's wages should be sufficient to enable him to support himself, his wife and his children"; echoing Pope Leo XIII from a century earlier, he then continues to state that "[i]f . . . the workman accepts harder conditions because an employer or contractor will afford no better, he is made the victim of force and injustice" (Centesimus Annus 8).

But to what extent should the government or the rest of society be involved in these employer-employee contracts? St. John Paul II teaches that social policies supporting families are a reflection of Christian values in a society that too often errs to prioritize individuals instead:

"In order to overcome today's widespread individualistic mentality, what is required is a concrete commitment to solidarity and charity, beginning in the family . . . It is urgent therefore to promote not only family policies, but also those social policies which have the family as their principal object, policies which assist the family by providing adequate resources and efficient means of support" (Centesimus Annus 49, emphasis added).

To this point, popes have referenced "work-men" but not "work-women." Is the Church telling women not to work outside the home? On the contrary! St. John Paul II clarifies:

"And what shall we say of the obstacles which in so many parts of the world still keep women from being fully integrated into social, political and economic life? . . . [T]here is an urgent need to achieve real equality in every area: equal pay for equal work, protection for working mothers, fairness in career advancements, equality of spouses with regard to family rights. . . This is a matter of justice but also of necessity. Women will increasingly play a part in the solution of the serious problems of the future: leisure time, the quality of life, migration, social services, euthanasia, drugs, health care, the ecology, etc. In all these areas a greater presence of women in society will prove most valuable" (Letter to Women 4).

I love our big family. Each of our kids is a blessing. Large families living on a budget are as American as apple pie and fireworks.

At the same time, please don't put us on a pedestal. We are hardworking, strict-budgeting parents who will sacrifice anything for our kids, but we're hardly self-made. We are making it in America because we have received a lot of help over the years, especially in education, childcare, transportation, and healthcare.

If we want stable, successful families in our country raising secure, well-loved kids, we can begin by acknowledging the legitimate financial fears of raising children in America today, and then commit to making things better.