Dear Edith,
Sometimes natural family planning is hard and even heartbreaking.
I have used a FABM with an instructor and a doctor’s care for almost six years. I started before I was even dating to help treat my PCOS. If I were single my whole life, I would still use this method to manage my fertility and reproductive health.
My husband and I have been married for four years. Before marriage, we discussed NFP and were both on board for theological reasons, because of the sacramental significance of the body. In our marriage, sex without contraception is radically healing. “You accept me completely,” said my husband as we grew in our practice of NFP. I find sex without contraception joyful because my husband accepts me completely, because through it I have come to honor my body, and because together we accept our union and shared fertility.
In the midst of the academic job market, I couldn’t afford to maintain my regimen of fertility supplements. I was in a terrible job and under extreme stress - and then I conceived in a method pregnancy. My chart said I was not fertile, but shortly after, the pregnancy test read positive and left me confused. We welcomed this new little person into our lives with joy. And then, we lost our baby. We named him Francis; his due date was just a few weeks ago.
There is a reality about NFP that I need help with. Usually, I find it empowering and healing. I better understand myself and the glory of being incarnate because of it; Rebecca Christian’s article strongly resonated with my experience. I also had no idea that NFP would be key to healing from sexual abuse and the misinformation mediated to me by purity culture.
But, sometimes cycles are wonky, and that’s frustrating. Sometimes there are few days when we can have sex while intending to avoid pregnancy, and that’s hard. Sometimes it’s important to avoid pregnancy because of care for family situation, limited resources, or your doctor thinking it unlikely that a baby could survive until your cycles look better - and that’s scary.
I wouldn’t do anything differently, but sometimes it’s hard, heartbreaking, and confusing (even on a theological dimension: we’re married, sexual union is good, but it’s not good for right now). So, what can women and couples do when this is the case?
Sarah Beth
Sarah Beth V. Kitch teaches ethics to university students, discusses sports podcasts with her husband, takes short trips to the gym for her sanity, mothers a toddler, prays for a child she misses, and loves Louisiana swamps.
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