Before I had children, I thought of the Annunciation as hearing Mary’s “fiat” in my head. It signified a call to mission, submission, and action. I thought of “fiat” as an active agreement to begin a new task. That interpretation of this mystery isn’t necessarily untrue of the Annunciation story; however, it focused on Mary’s bravery and ability to take on a new role.

As a new mother, I now see another side of this mystery and the beauty it attributes to both Mary and all other mothers who follow in her example: humility.

The Perfect Plan

My own journey to motherhood forced me to embrace humility and an overwhelming need for God’s guidance in my life. As a young woman in college, I was never quite sure that I would make a good mother or wife. Admittedly, I’m a selfish person who can easily become comfortable with controlling my everyday routines. A classic Type A personality who thrives on plans and ideals, I like to be in control of what happens in my life. As a college student, I learned to enjoy some of the freedom of being single and navigating my own plans. When God placed my husband into my life, His intention was undoubtedly to shake me awake and into submission to His will. And what an awakening I needed! My husband is my saving grace, and he has taught me many things about loving and serving others. I’m still a (piece of) work in progress, but that man is well endowed with patience.

My own journey to motherhood forced me to embrace humility and an overwhelming need for God’s guidance in my life.

My husband and I approached our married life versed in natural family planning (to an extent) and with the intention of being open to life, yet also hoping to avoid pregnancy for a reasonable year or so. I was adamant about wanting some time to enjoy our married life and get to know each other as spouses before welcoming a little one. I felt that I needed time to adjust to married life before I could be a good mother. Now, all of these intentions were good. I was aware that, ultimately, God could change my plans, but I wasn’t quite ready to openly submit myself to His will.

A Shaken Faith

God laughed at my quaint little plans by giving us a surprise pregnancy, which ended in the early miscarriage of our beloved Charlotte Rose. Miscarriage shook my world in a way I could not have foreseen. My faith was challenged, and I felt great anger at being forced to suffer through an experience I had not even planned. The baby who made me a mother was not part of the plan, but I loved her and missed her with every reminder. I felt confusion in my grief and a sense of guilt for not having intended her creation or loved her in my mind before knowing she was already within me. Somehow, it seemed that God must have been wrong to send us something I hadn’t even planned and then take it away. I had not meant to share my heart with this beautiful soul yet; I wasn’t emotionally prepared to be a mother.

As you may have noticed, there are plenty of “I,” “me,” and “mine” statements in this narrative. I have always found it hard to humbly rely on God’s plan, timing, and wisdom. My miscarriage entailed a moment of questioning His providence and trying to understand the virtue in relying on Him, rather than on myself, my abilities, or my failings. I was asked to have complete trust in Him and abandon my preconceived notions — to have humility.

My miscarriage entailed a moment of questioning His providence and trying to understand the virtue in relying on Him, rather than on myself, my abilities, or my failings.

A Journey to Humility

Shortly after we lost Charlotte, God instilled a desire for another child — a diversion from our previous plan to wait. This time, I was made to fully agree with His plan and give my “yes” to His will. Without His grace, there was no way I could have navigated the grief of our loss and the joys and trials of becoming a new mother. My husband and I began actively trying to conceive and, once again, I wanted to be in control. Every mama trying to conceive has felt the hopelessness that comes with a negative pregnancy test. It’s visceral, cruel, and agonizing. I remember the anger at getting my hopes up, only to have them dashed — reluctant to give a complete “yes” to God, no matter where He should take our family.

I won’t keep you in suspense: God quickly and mercifully blessed us with the most beautiful little girl, Elizabeth. She is my shining light, my trip through purgatory, and my greatest gift. She and her sister, Charlotte, are my daily reminders that I am not in control. They keep me humble in knowing that God’s plan is best and that I have nothing when I do not rely on Him.

I realize that God has been asking me to grow in humility through my motherhood journey. He asked me to get off my high horse and admit that, maybe, my plans aren’t perfect. He gives gives me daily opportunities to practice humility. Maybe my “perfect plans” aren’t so perfect, after all, when compared with the plans He has for me. Maybe I can’t do hard things on my own. Maybe I can’t love well without His grace. God knows how and when to challenge my heart and ask me to give my total fiat to His will.

God knows how and when to challenge my heart and ask me to give my total fiat to His will.

And did He not also do so with Mary? When Gabriel tells Mary about God’s plan, she doesn’t counter him out of doubt or pride. She fully submits, confident that the God who created her knows her best and will give her the grace to see His plan through to the end. Mary knows that God will offer her the grace she needs to love her Son and persevere at the foot of His cross.

So, mamas, when you pray through the first Joyful Mystery of the Annunciation, I recommend reflection on the virtue of humility — where it is in abundance and where it is lacking in your motherhood journey. God asks for our “fiat,” not only in the daily opportunities that come with loving and raising children but also in the ultimate reliance on His plan. Ask Him to make you humble in the laundry, in the dishes, in the diapers. Pray for humility in the losses, in the tough pregnancies, in the sorrows. Mary’s perfect example can be found in every aspect of your motherhood journey. May we truly desire to be humble of heart, like her.

Mary’s perfect example can be found in every aspect of your motherhood journey. May we truly desire to be humble of heart, like her.