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Dear Edith,

Is being single an actual "vocation" or not? I've heard conflicting opinions from reputable sources on both sides.

And if it is, then how can it be used as a "gift"?

Even if it isn't meant to be a calling, clearly we must all be single for some time at some point. So, how does one make the best of it, with out obsessing about "finding a man", or getting married?

Thanks!

(Note: I have listened to Bld. Pier Giorgio's biography, so I garnered some hope and insight there. He died at a fairly young age, however, so to argue that "singleness" was his vocation might be faulty?)

‍Jessica is a single 28 year old Catholic woman who's fed up with the way the world's dating system works. Or doesn't work.

Dear Jessica,

This is a fantastic question that I have been thinking about myself! Our culture seems strangely obsessed with marriage, and sometimes this can have the devastating effect of making single people feel that being single is worthless, which could not be further from the truth.

To get the technicalities out of the way first: As far as a permanent calling to the single life, it seems to me that Church teaching suggests that such a calling would take the form of consecrated virginity, but like you I haven’t been able to find anything official either way (you might check out this article as an example of what people say unofficially).

Instead, I have heard trustworthy folk refer to a “temporary vocation to single life,” which is a good way of thinking about the state of being single while waiting for and discerning a permanent vocation to marriage, religious life, or consecrated virginity.

Some people talk about single life as though it is just a time to work on yourself so that you’ll be an awesome wife/nun/consecrated virgin in the future. It’s true that single life does give you this opportunity, but I think there’s more to it than that. Our God is a God of the present. He has a plan for each day of our lives, including each day we spend as a single person.

Our God is a God of the present.

As you probably know, the word vocation literally means “calling,” as in listening to God’s call and submitting ourselves to His will every day of our lives, whether we are single, married, consecrated, or religious. If we are listening, we can experience God calling us every day, regardless of whether we have committed to a permanent vocation yet or not. It’s not as though you’re just waiting around to get married, like that’s when God will “call” you and your life of serving Him will begin. Your life has already begun! It is happening right now!

God has given you this time as a single person (however long it lasts) for a good reason. It is in no way wasted time. It is intended. Today you are single because God has determined that this is the best state for you to be in right now in order to fulfill His will today.

If you do your best to live your life according to God’s will, then everything you do throughout your day as a single person—your prayer, your job, your interactions with others, your service to those around you—is a fulfillment of God’s calling. If you do this, you are already, right now, living out your vocation.

So, with the benefit of hindsight (because I am now a wife and mother and I didn’t know what I had when I had it!), the following are some of the unique ways that the single life allows you to serve God and be “gift” to others:

♦♦♦

As a single person, you can…

Make changes.

You have more flexibility, freedom, and control over your life now than you will in married or religious life. If you find that God is calling you to do something else with your life, you are free to make changes—even big ones. You can go on a pilgrimage, participate in a mission trip, take a new job, move to a new place, or join an intentional community. Now is the best and easiest time to get your life in line with God’s will since you don’t have to convince anyone else but yourself!

Intentionally cultivate a deep faith life.

This should be at the top of every Christian’s priority list of course, but as a single person, you can devote more time and attention to cultivating habits that will last your whole life. Schedule regular prayer time throughout your day, attend Mass weekly (or even daily), attend the occasional retreat, and learn about your faith by reading or taking classes at your parish. A deep faith life will help you to discern what God is calling you to do and be, both now and in the future.

Invest in a faith community.

A strong community is crucial to the spiritual life, no matter what your vocation, but it’s especially important when you’re single, and now is the time when you can really invest deeply in such friendships. So whether it’s a young adult group at your parish, the Theology on Tap crew in your diocese, or the old ladies who get coffee after daily Mass on Saturdays, find a group of faithful people to be friends with. You could even invite a couple Catholic (or otherwise Christian) friends over for wine and Bible study once a month and go from there. Don’t forget to ask God to help you find your peeps!

Commit to a parish.

Register and get involved with your local parish, both by participating in opportunities and offering whatever gifts you may have (join the choir, count the collection money, help plan the parish picnic, whatever floats your boat). Families tend to be overrun with their kids’ activities and don’t often have time to support their parish. Single people are a Godsend for parish life! Plus, getting involved with your parish can really help you feel that you belong somewhere.

Serve others.

One of the loveliest things I’ve heard about celibacy (whether permanent or temporary) is that you are free to love everyone around you. Finding that I couldn’t serve others in the same way I used to was a big shock to me upon getting married. I couldn’t just drop what I was doing to help someone anymore. I had to check in and coordinate with my husband, and sometimes that meant that I could not give that person the help they needed (I pray that God sent them someone else—maybe a nice single person!) Now that I have a baby, I am even more limited in the kinds of help I can give people—my baby’s needs always have to come first, plus the fact that she has to come with me means that more often than not I’m the one who needs help! As a single person, you are in a terrific position to really be present to other people and to serve them whole-heartedly.

♦♦♦

Some final thoughts: Since you mentioned Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati, you may be interested to know that Dorothy Day never married after her conversion to Catholicism, and devoted her life to working for justice and helping the poor through the Catholic Worker movement she co-founded. I have not read her biography, The Long Loneliness, but you may be interested in what she has to say in there. You may also be interested in the writings of Eve Tushnet, who draws attention to the need to reclaim Christian friendship and community in our marriage-obsessed culture (you might start with this article).

God bless you, Jessica!

Love,Hannah

‍Hannah blogs about how the Catholic Church is more pro-woman than feminism at Jeanette’s Torch.

Dear Jessica,

Yes and no.

'Vocation' comes from the Latin root for 'call'. But being single is a state of life, like marriage. They are both natural states of life, and most people end up getting married, regardless of whether they feel 'called' to it or not.

And yet every person who has become a priest or consecrated person (like monks, nuns and friars) has experienced a very definite 'call' from God to that life. Without exception.Some married people have felt a strong 'call' to marry a particular person, and for them, their marriage to this person has a strongly vocational meaning.

Some single people have experienced that sense of 'call' also, to remain unmarried and pursue a particular career or path, even if it doesn't involve consecration or religious life.Where does this leave singles who don't feel called to singleness? Pretty miserable, in my experience. Especially when well-meaning fellow Catholics tell them that they have a vocation to singleness, when they feel nothing of the sort.

The solution to this mystery is found in Matthew 6:33. Every one of us has been told what to do - to seek the Kingdom of Heaven first, and all other things will come in their right order and due time.

Every one of us has been told what to do - to seek the Kingdom of Heaven first, and all other things will come in their right order and due time.

That's the true vocation of every Christian, married or single. Do this, and the whole spouse 'problem' may turn out not to be a problem after all.

There is no harm in praying for a spouse, and/or actively seeking one, if you find singleness is not for you. It's also good to explore and heal the things that may be holding you back from real happiness, with or without a spouse. And yes, if you want to receive singleness as a gift from God, and think of it as a vocation, go ahead.

Ask God what He wants of you. This is seeking the Kingdom of Heaven in the best and most direct way. And keep asking, and keep listening. If there is any kind of 'call', that way, you will actually hear it!

‍Philippa Martyr is 47 years old, has never married, and also flunked out of religious life at the age of 38. There is NOTHING she doesn't know about being a single Catholic woman. She is still seeking the Kingdom of Heaven, and can also make fettucine by hand. Her favourite thing is writing.

Dear Jessica,

All the four specific vocations; single life, married life, consecrated life or the ordained ministry are a call to holiness, our road to a holy God. Irrespective of our vocations we are all “invited” to live holy lives. Each vocation is a call to follow Christ closely.

That should be our end goal. There’s plenty of discussion about whether or not being single is a vocation. The question you have to ask yourself is, “Am I on the road to holiness?” That needs to be your obsession. Mathew 6:33 says “Seek first the kingdom of God and everything shall be added unto you.”

‍Single Life : A person who has chosen to be single many not make a vow of poverty, chastity or obedience. Yet, she commits to live a life in love and service to her neighbor. She strives to live a holy life through work and prayer. She devotes his freedom and time to Christ.

You’re right in saying, ‘Being single is a common stage of life that everyone goes through.' It doesn’t mean simply waiting.

Have you seen kids or teenagers? They don’t see their childhood or adolescence as a period of wilderness or a desert. Why do single women look at their period of singleness as a wilderness? Why do we fill this beautiful time with empty relationships, physical hangups, and needless pain?

This period of singleness is a time of growth and sowing the seeds of God’s kingdom. It’s a time of sowing for the harvest.

This period of singleness is a time of growth and sowing the seeds of God’s kingdom. It’s a time of sowing for the harvest. It’s a time of preparation for the next phase of our lives. A time to build roots and a strong foundation for our communities into one we will eventually make our own families a part of.

• If you think you’re alone, think again, God is always at your side.
• If you think you’re running out of time, don’t, God can make up for lost time.
• If you’re wavering in your faith, stand firm, for you are fighting principalities of darkness!
• If someone is asking you to prove your love for them by physically compromising yourself, walk away. You are the temple of the Living God.

Use this time to build the Church, the community and yourself

• Choose a ministry and be fruitful whether that’s the lecterns, choir, Legion, Charismatic movement,Sunday school, RCIA. The list is extensive.
• Chose a section of your community to work with by donating your time and talents. This can include the sick, the elderly, the homebound, unemployed, widows, single mothers. Ask the Holy Spirit to show you opportunities where He’s calling you to fellowship with these people.
• Choose aspects of yourself to build up: Educate yourself about the faith, develop a hobby, sort out your finances, identify your weakness and convert them to strengths.

Single Women are like foot soldiers in the kingdom of God.

Single Women are like foot soldiers in the kingdom of God. They work invisibly, quietly sowing the seeds which the Holy Spirit will then water, nourish and make fruitful. They should know they’re an integral part of the Church and their journey of singleness is as beautiful as their destination, irrespective of their vocation. I know the hardships of single Christian women and so wrote Ten Reminders For The Single Christian Woman where I talk about vocation and remind women that whatever happens in our life, God always wants best for us.

‍Pamela Q. Fernandes is a doctor, author and medical writer. She’s the author of the Christian nonfiction series, “Ten Reminder,” romance novellas like Seoul-Mates, Cinders of Castlerea and Under a Scottish Sky. She has also written many speculative short stories; Joseon Fringe, Where is Ally and Raven’s Call. Pamela was born and raised in Kuwait. When not writing and seeing patients she loves to bake brownies and unsuccessfully learn the piano. She runs the Christian Circle Podcast twice a month.

Dear Edith,

I have a confession: I don't 'get' Mary. Most of the time I feel like I don't relate to her at all. Honestly, sometimes I don't even really like her.

I was raised Catholic, so I know Mary is essential to the faith. But all the things we honor her for - her virginity, humility, being quiet and meek - honestly sound like a pretty archaic and oppressive definition of women. But this is the Catholic Church's "ideal woman." How as a real-life modern woman am I supposed to relate to her  at all?? I try but she just seems so out of reach.

I know she was human, but she was also perfect. I can never live up to that! I feel like she's that girl who's so perfect that... you just kind-of despise her sometimes. (Am I a terrible Catholic??)

Help!!

-- Anonymous

Not being able to relate to Mary is a common feeling at times... it does not make you a bad Catholic! Especially for those of us who are women, and feel the impression that perhaps we must "be perfect the way Mary was perfect!" I know... because I struggled to I get her in my past. Keep in mind that although the Vatican has approved Marian apparitions since her death and ascension into Heaven, they don't require any of us to believe in any of the apparitions in order to "be a good Catholic."

Throughout my journey of Catholicism, and my study of Mary, I realized she wasn't as meek as we typically, initially believe. First, the woman agreed to become the mother of God, even though she was not married. She risked her life, to bring the Savior into the world! She had a choice, and she accepted the request made to her.

She had a choice, and she accepted the request made to her.

But the biggest example of her strength I would point to, is her instruction at the Wedding Feast of Cana - in which Jesus informs her in John 2:4, "My hour has not yet come." And, His mother, in John 2:5 simply, "said to the servants, 'Do whatever he tells you.'" Essentially, she recognizes His time has come before He even recognized it - and, gave Him a gentle shove into His public ministry. I like to think she recognized He was ready, even when He didn't.

She was far from meek, as she stood by and watched her Son travel His path toward Calvary, and subsequently die on the Cross.

Perhaps it may also help to recognize, although she was perfect, she needed Jesus' saving grace that we all need. Only through Him was she able to be saved. And, my chaplain also pointed out to me recently - her perfection, and inability to be tempted by the devil, was because her soul was without the stain of Original Sin. I took his guidance to mean her personality and approach to life's situations were vastly different than ours would be.

although she was perfect, she needed Jesus' saving grace that we all need.

Yet, through her, we do see the embodiment of humility. And, that is what we must focus on when we look at Mary. She is the shining example - she is the perfect (literally and figuratively) example of having true faith, trust, and fidelity in God and His plans. Think of how, when Jesus was presented in the Temple as a baby, her heart was pierced with a thousand swords when Simeon cautioned her of what was to come. She carried "all these things in her heart." She worried, she grieved; yet, she took those worries and grievances to God alone - she shared herself, wholly, to God.

And, that is what we are challenged to emulate... challenged being the operative word!

He does ask we give Him our everything... the same way Mary gave her all!

God is not expecting perfection from us, but He does ask we give Him our everything... the same way Mary gave her all! And, as Jesus hung on the Cross, He gave her to us to be our mother - which is her role now.

To show us, in a faithful, loving, motherly manner, the way to Christ. She leads us to Him.

It doesn't make you a bad Catholic to struggle to connect with her... it makes you human.

Hello! Thank you so much for verbalizing what so many of us feel, and don’t worry- this doesn’t make you a terrible Catholic at all! I know that for so long, I have found it so hard to relate to Mary, and even just to approach her in prayer. You hit on a core problem that I am sure many of us encounter in our growth in being Catholic.

When I read your question, I began to ask myself the same thing. I can honestly say it has only been about a year since I have been able to be comfortable going to Mary and actually seeing her as someone I can relate to. And one thing that changed it for me was praying on very human aspects of her as well.

Mary was born without sin, but there are many other aspects in which she is so very similar to us. And actually, I have found reflecting on her emotions and responses to certain events to really help me with this. In particular, I found praying with art to help with this.

In particular, I found praying with art to help with this.

Below is an image of Mary that really makes her seem so very real to me. In this image, she is expressing a lot of fear that she felt at the Annunciation, along with many other emotions. She was young, and probably could have preferred the Annunciation to happen at some other time in her life. She probably thought, “What would Joseph think?” Many responses and emotions were a reaction to such a proposition at the Annunciation, along with other big moments in her life.

I like to pray and reflect on these emotions that Mary had that I relate to in such pieces of artwork, as I feel they help me to see her as more human. I hope this helps!

‍

This author would like to remain anonymous.

I used to struggle in understanding why Mary was always depicted with her eyes downcast. This was a problem for me because I saw it as submissive, a demeanor I don't particularly like.

I decided to read up on it and found artists depicted her that way to indicate that she was detached from worldly things, and while her eyes were looking down her heart was lifted up towards Heaven. So it wasn't man she was showing humility to, but she was basically scorning the temporal, physical world. I thought this was pretty radical. And this is how I also learnt about the virtue of detachment. It's sort of like experiencing your world from a third-person point of view, as opposed to first person. This really helped me put my day-to-day experiences in perspective.

So it wasn't man she was showing humility to, but she was basically scorning the temporal, physical world.

Also, Mary is the queen of Heaven and our Mother. She suffered terribly during Christ's Passion. I think she is a figure to be admired, loved, and to request powerful intercession from, rather than to be able to relate to.

She was the mother of God - how can we compete with that? We can't. And we aren't asked to.

‍This author would like to remain anonymous.

Dear Edith,

How do you find the courage to stand up when people make snide comments about being Catholic? My online presence in social media is VERY Catholic and I am super proud of that and how much it is a part of my identity. But when someone scoffs at me in public or makes a comment about how Catholicism is a lie/corrupt/worthless/etc. I somehow manage to lose my voice and I don't have the courage to stand up for Christ and the truth. I keep asking Mary to pray for me that I find this confidence, but I don't know what else I can do.-- Ashleigh

Ashleigh is a graduate student and works with special needs kiddos by helping them use technology to access their curriculum. Her identity is deeply rooted in Christ and she prays that every day her life can be used to glorify God. Ashleigh creatively illustrates her prayer through hand lettering and bible journaling. Find her at ash.colleen on Instagram and Daughter of the Star Breather page on Facebook. Her website is www.ashcolleen.com.

Dear Ashleigh,

First of all don't beat yourself up for a lack of courage. While it is a good thing to be ready to stand up for the Lord at all times, the truth is these people, who are so readily attacking you, would often not be receptive to anything you'd say. I'm someone who is always ready for an argument (and often makes it worse that way), and I've found that a lot of people won't even listen or let you speak. If it's on social media, you can bring out any article or proof that they're wrong, but they'll only read what they want to read.

It's all up to the Holy Spirit to open their hearts to be receptive to the truth. St Paul in his first letter to the Thessalonian church wrote that "our message of the gospel came to you not in word only, but also in power and in the Holy Spirit and with full conviction" (1 Thess 1:2-5 NRSVCE).

Instead of feeling bad for not finding your voice in front of the challenges, you should switch your perspective to see where your power lies: prayer.

Instead of feeling bad for not finding your voice in front of the challenges, you should switch your perspective to see where your power lies: prayer. Pray for them. They'll need it, and we know we have a duty to pray for those who persecute us, as Jesus prayed for the Jewish elite on the Cross.

You are so powerful, dear sister. Sometimes, though, we have to choose our battles. Start by engaging those who seem less intent on just reinforcing their prejudices - some may have past hurt they are dealing with (again, I was one of those too) and some may be just trolls. The trolls are off limit even for me (most of the time, when pride doesn't take over). Everyone else, what they need may not be apologetics, but a show of Christian love. Rely on the Holy Spirit to know what to do, and if it's walking away, it doesn't make you any less good than you are.

Lots of love and prayers your way.

Alessia

‍Alessia is a cradle Catholic revert, and Christian-unity-obsessed, blogger who writes about the intersection between faith and politics, history (she aspires to be awarded a PhD in the near future!) and life as a Carrie Bradshaw in mantilla veil in the big and exciting city of London. You can read her thoughts on her blog www.theblondpond.com or find here on Twitter and Instagram under the same nom de plume. Also passionate about intentional living and interior design, she founded Laurel and Yew (www.laurelandyew.com), a social enterprise to tackle youth unemployment in her local area.

Hi Ashleigh,

What a great question. I know you are not alone in this struggle. I myself still struggle with this same issue.

The seeming anonymity of social media can make people more likely to say things they wouldn’t normally say to someone face to face, and lead to mean comments that cut to the core. This can be difficult to deal with but I wanted to share a couple things I have learned working for a parish with an active social media presence.

The first thing I have learned is to take a moment and pray when I read a comment. Defense is our natural reaction. But often, comments degrading our faith are coming from a place of pain or mistrust. So, we should pray for that person, that their hearts be open to the Gospel message. We must also pray for ourselves, that we be vessels of love as we share the truth of our faith. (It also helps me calm down, as sometimes that Irish temper can rear its ugly head.)

often, comments degrading our faith are coming from a place of pain or mistrust.

Once I have taken time to pray, I discern whether the subject is something that should really be discussed over social media. Some topics are best left to in-person conversations and its ok to say that. Suggest that a Facebook comment feed might not be the best place to have this conversation but give another option. Offer to get together and discuss the topic further perhaps over coffee if that’s an option, or open a private message if an in-person conversation is not feasible.

If the topic is one that you feel you can have a productive conversation over social media, then ask Mary for courage like you have been doing, and speak truth. Sometimes people are just looking to pick a fight. If this is the case, then speak your peace and let it go. If the conversation goes into a tail spin of petty fighting, just walk away. Let the person know that you would be happy to speak more but the conversation is no longer going anywhere, and if they continue to make disparaging remarks you will not be engaging in the conversation. Often though, people ask questions because they want to know answers.

Rather than being scared of being judged, remember you can be a light in someone’s darkness.

We are made for the truth, and when many comments are made, answers are sought. Remember the love of Christ and speak from that place. Recently Pope Francis gave a TED talk in which he said, “Through the darkness of today’s conflicts, each and every one of us can become a bright candle, a reminder that light will overcome darkness, and never the other way around.” Rather than being scared of being judged, remember you can be a light in someone’s darkness. The world is screaming for the love of Christ. Through our witness to the Gospel on social media we can show them the way to life and joy.

I know it can be scary but remember that at Pentecost Christ sent us the Holy Spirit as our advocate. We are not alone in our work of preaching the Gospel. Trust in Him and speak with love. If you do that you will do all the Lord asks of you.Know of my prayers for you.

-- Amy

Raised Catholic, Amy Deibert's faith really came alive when she served as a missionary with NET Ministries after high school. She has a heart for youth ministry, Momma Mary and traveling. She blogs at www.morethanexisting.org where she shares stories of women living faithful lives to the Gospel and the Faith around the world.

Hi Ashleigh!

Thank you for asking this question! I know I’ve found myself asking the same question at times.

Before I share what has helped me, I want to add a disclaimer: we are not required to address every attack on the Catholic Church. Obviously, we should when we are able, but when it comes to social media, it is impractical both due to the sheer quantity of attacks and the communication mode. Sometimes, it is better to recognize that responding is like talking to a brick wall, or continuing to respond is just adding fuel towards their hatred. In these situations, it is better to stay silent on social media and pray for them, or if you know them in real life, ask if they’d like to meet up in person to discuss it over coffee or beer.

As for having confidence, I have found three things that have helped me.

‍Pray that the Holy Spirit will guide you.This is the most important advice I can give. One of the jobs of the Holy Spirit is to give us the wisdom to share our faith. By asking the Holy Spirit to work through me when I am responding to critics, it takes the pressure off my shoulders and rightly places the burden in God’s hands. We are only tools, and allowing God to work through us results in better responses because it is God’s answer rather than our own. Prayer also has the added benefit of helping us calm down.

allowing God to work through us results in better responses because it is God’s answer rather than our own.

Beef up your apologetics knowledge.While ultimately our defenses should come from God, building up my apologetics knowledge has helped me a lot. There are an abundance of resources out there that help us better understand our faith and know how to properly articulate the teachings of the Church. I don’t want to take up too much space by listing resources here, but please feel free to reach out to me for recommendations.

‍Rejoice in the persecution.Jesus warned us that we would receive unpleasant attacks for sharing the truth, but chances are, we are doing the right thing (unless we’re being Grade A jerks and are getting attacked for our attitudes rather than our words). Luke 6: 22 tells us “Blessed are you when people hate you, and when they exclude and insult you, and denounce your name as evil on account of the Son of Man." Though we know that it is coming, that doesn’t make it less challenging. We just remind ourselves that we will be blessed for it. I’ve been working my way through reading the Bible, and a verse that stood out to me was Acts 5:41. “So they left the presence of the Sanhedrin, rejoicing that they had been found worthy to suffer dishonor for the sake of the name.”How blessed are we to be able to defend Christ?

we are not alone as we defend the truth. The entire Church is with us, fighting the same battle.

I know can be hard to defend the faith. I have gotten called some horrible names and accused of some terrible things, but we are not alone as we defend the truth. The entire Church is with us, fighting the same battle. Though we may feel that we are losing, Christ will triumph and we will be rewarded for the difficulties we faced on earth in His name.

‍Kate Hendrick is a cradle Catholic, but she really started taking her faith seriously about two years ago. She blogs at stumblingtowardsainthood.com where she writes about the struggles of being a faithful Catholic as a young adult in American culture. You can also find here on Facebook and Instagram. Kate’s husband Ben is a Catholic convert and she enjoys growing in the faith with him.

Dear Ashleigh,

I am so glad that you asked this question. I would guess that the situation you described is one that more than a few Catholics experience from time to time. Above all, keep asking our loving Mother for help and for her prayers! She does not disappoint.

When I hear a negative comment about the Church or about being Catholic, I find it helpful to begin by asking the person what they mean by their comment and how they arrived at their understanding of the Church, of life as a Catholic, etc. Listening to the person explain their perspective can be helpful in starting a conversation off on the right foot and ensuring that we fully understand what they are saying. It could be that this person was misinformed about the Church and what she teaches; knowing this provides an opportunity to correct that misinformation so that, at the very least, the person knows what the Church truly teaches. I find that an honest, civil conversation prevents me from becoming defensive and allows me to have confidence during a discussion.

Turning towards other sources of confidence, I try to remind myself of the heritage of faith entrusted to the Church. The Catechism of the Catholic Church tell us that “[t]he apostles entrusted the ‘Sacred deposit’ of the faith . . ., contained in Sacred Scripture and Tradition, to the whole of the Church” (84). We also know that Jesus promised us that He would send the Holy Spirit to guide His Church. Even when I am not confident in myself, I can be confident in the promise of our Lord, the guidance of the Spirit, and the Church’s authority based on Scripture and Tradition.

Even when I am not confident in myself, I can be confident in the promise of our Lord, the guidance of the Spirit, and the Church’s authority based on Scripture and Tradition.

Finally, it helps to reflect on my own experience of being Catholic and learning about the Church and her teachings. There are some Catholic teachings that I have struggled to understand. Arriving at a fuller understanding of these teachings, by the grace of God, leads to a deep joy and peace. Nothing has given me more joy, more peace, or more consolation in times of suffering than the Catholic Church and her guidance in developing a better personal relationship with my Father (which happens by His grace alone; we all know who causes the problems in our relationship). This makes me want to share the Church with others in the hopes that they may also experience this joy and peace. When a conversation could be an opportunity to introduce someone to the Church and the beauty that comes from living a life of faith, it is easier for me to forget any lack of confidence I feel and focus on the person in front of me.

-- Amanda

Amanda is a Coloradan who recently relocated to the south. She works at a Catholic college and could talk for days about her love of Catholic education. She can usually be found at a local coffee shop or getting lost while exploring her new city.

Dear Edith,

Reading the Bible as a Catholic and a Feminist, I have long been confused by St. Paul's straightforward command that women should wear head coverings in church. I would think that this teaching perhaps had relevance to the culture at the time and is now obsolete, but I know millions of Catholic women still wear head coverings. I don't understand the purpose and it troubles me that women and girls cover themselves when there is no expectation that men and boys do so. I would never do this myself or ask it of my future daughters, but I would love to understand more about the application of this teaching in the modern church. Thank you!

- Carey

Dear Carey,

Thank you for your question! To start, I think you are correct in that St. Paul’s teaching was related to the culture at that time. The Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith issued a declaration in 1976 called Inter Insigniores, in which they state about the teachings of St. Paul regarding women,

“. . .it must be noted that these ordinances, probably inspired by the customs of the period, concern scarcely more than disciplinary practices of minor importance, such as the obligation imposed upon women to wear a veil on their head (1 Cor 11:2-16); such requirements no longer have a normative value.”

Since the 1970s, women are not expected to wear head coverings while in church (though the expectation remains for Mass in the Extraordinary Form), leaving it up to a woman’s personal choice. As it is a choice, I can only share why I choose to do so. There are variety of reasons, but they are all part of a desire to recognize my femininity before God by wearing a veil in the presence of the Blessed Sacrament.

One such reason is that, when I put on my veil upon entering a church, it is a concrete reminder that I am in the presence of God. This fosters a disposition that helps me pray and focus (helpful for someone who is as easily distracted as I am).

I also wear a veil as a sign of submission to the will of God; however, for me, this is far more of an accountability measure than it is a sign of holiness. I continually struggle with surrendering my will to God’s, and wearing a veil helps me remember that I still have much growing to do in this area.

Finally, the veil reminds me that it is a great blessing to be a woman, as our bodies are sacred vessels capable of carrying life (think of how the chalice which holds the Precious Blood is veiled before the consecration). This is one attribute that distinguishes us from men. As a woman, I have a special vocation to receive life and nourish it, whether that be through loving my friends, in my work with college students, or one day as a mother. All of that being said, the veil is certainly not necessary for women to focus at Mass, surrender their will to God’s, or embrace the gift of their femininity. There are plenty of holy women in my life who inspire me and happen to not wear veils. In the end, I wear a veil because I like wearing one for the reasons I mentioned, and I hope that any woman would feel free to wear one or not, as she chooses.

Hi Carey!

The important thing to remember about interpreting Scripture is the Catholic Church teaches that there is a literal and spiritual sense, and ultimately, the Church guides us (see CCC 115-119). When we look at St. Paul’s writing, we need to consider the cultural significance and how it relates to modern times, as you pointed out in your question. What we as women must understand is that we are morally obligated to dress modestly and reverently. A woman’s hair is viewed as something incredibly beautiful in a variety of cultures, which is why the idea of veiling came about. We also see other beautiful, and even holy things, “veiled” (that is, covered) in the Mass like the Eucharist in the Tabernacle or the blood of Christ being in a solid chalice. "Covering” our beauty rightly orients the focus away from us and towards what the focus of the Mass should be: Christ.

But you raised an important point: what about men? Men are absolutely held to the same requirement of modesty and reverence as women, but this is expressed differently. Though men and women are equal in dignity and value, they are different in other ways. I know this is challenging to accept, and is something I have struggled to understand myself. However, the more I look at what the Church says about the differences, I view it as a celebration because the differences are emphasized as a necessity. Our unique contributions as women represent some of the beauty of the Creator.

When I started looking into veiling, it was based on a personal desire to show devotion to God. It came to my attention at a time I was just beginning to recognize the True Presence. This development in my faith hit me hard, and veiling was a way to unite what I was feeling (awe towards the Eucharist) with an outward expression.

veiling was a way to unite what I was feeling (awe towards the Eucharist) with an outward expression.

I find that veiling (whether it is a mantilla or a wide headband) helps me to keep a posture appropriate for being in the presence of the Lord. At the same time, I recognize that is is a personal devotion and there are women who choose not to veil and are able to maintain that posture much better than me. Because it is a choice and not a requirement, I feel that it is between God and I on how I can improve my relationship with Him. The important thing to me is that it is a choice. I think every person should be modest, humble, and reverent, but how they go about that will have differences from me. If God blesses my husband and I with daughters, we will allow them to make the decision to whether or not they will veil.

Hi Carey,

First, I would like to say I was totally with you in the fact that I had no idea what women wearing chapel veils was about, or that anyone was even still wearing them! When I decided to start wearing a chapel veil for Lent, to work on humility and concentration during mass, my super liberal (as am I) parents were almost appalled. “Why would you want to wear a symbol of the church’s oppression of women?!” They asked me. Well, here was my reply to them.

In the words of the lovely Emma Watson – Feminism is a choice. The fact that I can CHOOSE to wear a chapel veil is the power of feminism, and if I choose to wear one it makes me no less a strong woman than those who choose not to. There is also a quote from St. Paul about women veiling themselves in the sight of the Lord in dignity, whereas men bare their heads in the same sign of respect. If you think about it, men still show that sign of dignity – how many men do you see removing their hats for mass? Indeed, if a man did NOT remove his hat for mass I myself would be a bit miffed.

Fr. Mike (a cool Catholic Priest and Youtube sensation) did a Q&A about Chapel veils that I feel explains what they are, why they are worn, and the history behind them.

One of my favorite parts is when he describes it as sacramental, the same way a rosary or a scapular is. Its a tool for us to explore our faith! It’s not required or necessary, but it could add a component to your prayer life, depending on your gifts and charisms.

It’s not required or necessary, but it could add a component to your prayer life, depending on your gifts and charisms.

Overall, it has been a huge learning opportunity for me to wear a veil at church. It’s definitely uncomfortable in a English mass – what is everyone around me thinking?! But that’s part of the point of my choosing to wear it – it shouldn’t matter what other people think. I DO find myself focusing more when I wear it, and this is for God, not for anyone else’s opinion or view of me. Not sure that I will continue to wear it regularly after Lent, but I do appreciate the fact that I’ve taken time to learn and experience what a chapel veil can do for my relationship with God.

Hope this helps!

Hey, Carey! Your question about veiling is a good one! There are a lot of layers to this question and to its answer, some of which I am still uncovering myself. But I’ll do my best!

Paul’s requirement that men not cover their heads while women do has to do with the spousal, nuptial imagery between God and His people that is found throughout the bible. Christ is considered the Groom and His people (the Church) are considered the bride. Ephesians 5:25 ties this relationship to the relationship between men and women, specifically husbands and wives: “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loves the Church.” Men are to Christ as women are to the Church. And because veiling is traditionally a sign of submission, it would follow that women veil while men do not, because again, women represent the submissive nature of the Church under Christ. It’s why women religious veil: they are representatives of the Church, submitting to the love and care of Jesus, their Spouse. It’s why the bride veils on her wedding day: she is submitting to the love and care of her husband. A lot of people these days don't like that word "submission," but again, notice here that it means a woman submitting herself to the love and care of her spouse. It's a sign of trust in him, not a sign that her free will is being taken away!

It's a sign of trust in him, not a sign that her free will is being taken away!

Veiling is also traditionally a sign of reverence and an acknowledgement of the sacred. The tabernacle in some churches is veiled because it contains the Eucharist, the Bread of Life. The chalice is veiled before consecration at mass because it will contain the Precious Blood, Jesus' life and our life. Women are encouraged to dress modestly and might consider veiling because it's an acknowledgement of the sacredness of their bodies--they have the ability to bear life.

I started veiling a few months ago and I love doing it because it reminds me of my commitment to Christ and my submission to His authority over and love for me. I also see it as a way of recognizing before Christ that I am different from men. Of course, a woman can recognize her beauty and sacredness and beloved-ness without veiling. But even though veiling is not a required practice anymore, it still represents the transcendent reality of how men and women represent the bond between Christ and His Church, and of the reality that women have the unique capacity to bear life. It's a sign; it points to something deeper than itself.

I hope that at least starts to answer your question!